my book

This is a link to my book.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=this+is+where+you+belong

the little bird

The little bird has returned to the nest. She is so frail and tired. I can see her tiny heart and it appears as though it will burst through her chest. Some days she flies so high and I am so proud. Flitting about from flower to tree, testing her wings on the air currents. On those days, in my soul, I think my heart will burst through my chest. She fills me with such pride and I say to myself, "There's my little bird. All of those worms and bugs I brought to her have made her strong. The flying lessons we did together have made her strong. She flies with the best of them."

Sometimes the best of them are not at their best; they tease her and pick at her so she falls. Her wings falter and she comes crashing down into the nest for comfort and solace. She looks so fragile despite her adult body lying there with little tears welling up in her eyes. I do what I can, say what I believe, hoping it will revitalize her so she will fly again. Slowly she collects herself. I brush off her wings and we both get ready for her to go again. A part of me hopes that I won't have to do it again but my mind knows that we will repeat this ritual again and again. Some birds can leave and never return others stay close and a community is sprouted from the original egg, a community of birds that stick together, a network of birds that never leave one behind alone.

My little bird needs to be close and I love her. I love her for her strength and her weakness equally. It is her weakness that keeps her going, her desire to fly above the Mocking Birds and the Vultures. Where they are ugly she is beautiful, a tiny, delicate Humming bird in a world of boring Sparrows and vicious Blue Jays. She continues to fly her own path, tuning out the roar of the others. When the roar is too loud she stumbles. Wobbling she will return to the nest to fluff her feathers and receive encouragement.

Some nests are abandon after the first year but this nest is continually reworked and made larger for all the fledglings.

creation

From my current perspective I can feel a sense of relief. While some struggle to recover, still, after years and years I no longer struggle. I am grateful for your love. I am happy that we could share a part of our lives together. I learned so much about myself. I learned about my dark parts too. The couple is a mixture of two worlds, sometimes colliding and thrashing about. It isn't always smooth and comfortable. The illusion of 'happily ever after' is so rare. That does not mean it was bad.

Couples are the sculpture they create. We can judge from the outside other couples creations. "I would have made it this way." or "I would have added a little of that." But they are not our sculptures. That couple created what they did from within themselves. They dragged a little from childhood, a little from teen years, some from a job, parts from books, items from friendships, nonsense from the world outside, added a lot of heart and blended. Yet, the project is never finished. Until one leaves.

You left. You didn't want to, but the cosmos called you to their collective so our sculpture was finalized. When I look at our creation I see smooth, round curves and spikes and colors melting and I see limbs reaching for the sky. It is not bad art or great art it is OUR art to be appreciated by us and those who know us best. I can now look at our carving and see the beauty in our design, sometimes it was haphazard sometimes it was artfully crafted. It is done.

So now I am holding it reverently in my mind, turning it over, admiring and wishing I could have some a little different but it is not to be refashioned. It exists for all eternity as we created it together.

And it is pleasant.